Chuck vs Sarah's Stash
by Wepdiggy
Summary: Chuck has to do some work on Sarah's computer, and what he finds surprises him. Maybe pushing the "T" rating, but nothing explicit. Please read and review.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck. I just like to play with the toys Josh Schwartz and Chris Fedak created. _

_A/N: Okay, so I've had this idea for a few weeks now, and I've been having trouble writing, so I thought this might help break my from my funk. It's kind of stupid, and cracky, and I'm not altogether sure that it's well put together, but I thought I'd just write it and get it out of my system. Hopefully you'll find it fun, maybe funny, and just a nice relaxation from the general angst that Chuck and Sarah get put through so much in the fandom. There are mentions of pornography, and general talk about sex, so if that offends you, it's probably best you move on. I will say that I think it kind of breaks down near the end (if it was ever not broken to begin with, haha), but I'll leave that up to you to decide. And when you decide, you can leave a review, and let me know what you think about it, huh? Haha. Alright, hope you enjoy it, and thanks for reading!

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Sarah paced back and forth across her room. She really didn't want to have to go to Chuck with her problem, but that's what he did, and she couldn't go another day without having it fixed. And after all, Chuck was good at this kind of stuff. He probably enjoyed doing what he was doing. And he was a trustworthy guy. He wouldn't look into her personal business without asking her, would he?

Still, he was taking longer than she thought he should take. "You're not finished yet?" she asked impatiently.

Chuck looked up at her from her bed, where he was reclined with her computer in front of her. "I've only been here like five minutes," he said defensively. "But no, I'm not finished." Chuck put his head back down and continued to study Sarah's Macbook. Then, suddenly he seemed to brighten. "Wait, I think I found something."

"Finally," Sarah sighed. She'd been putting up with poor performance from her computer for far too long, and three days ago, it had ceased to work at all really, with constant crashes and freezes. "What's wrong with it?"

"Well," Chuck drawled. "Did you know that you have 35-gigs of untitled videos?"

Sarah's face paled. "Wait, don't –"

But it was too late, Chuck had already opened one of them. And by the look on his face, he'd immediately realized what he was watching. Sarah rushed over to the bed and slammed the laptop shut, but the damage had been done.

"Was that…?"

"That's top secret!" Sarah shouted.

"It's porn!" Chuck replied.

Sarah's cheeks reddened in embarrassment. She'd never wanted Chuck to find out about this, and certainly not _like_ this. "I get bored," she said lamely.

"Bored?" Chuck teased. "Is _that_ what they call it now?"

Suddenly Sarah didn't feel embarrassed anymore. She felt angry. Why was it such a big deal that she occasionally enjoyed an adult movie? She was an adult! Was it just because she was a woman? Well, she wasn't going to let Chuck oppress her.

"So what?!" she demanded. "So I like porn."

"I just –" Chuck paused. "I just can't…it's hard to believe," he finished.

"Well believe it, Chuck. I, Sarah Walker, enjoy watching porn," she said, her arms raised to the heavens as if she were announcing it to the world.

"Well, yeah, but you have 35-gigs of porn," Chuck pointed out.

"Well," Sarah said, searching for another defense. "I like it a lot."

"I see that you do. Let's see what you have here," Chuck said, opening the laptop back up.

"No!" Sarah shouted, snatching the computer from his grasp.

"What? Why can't I see it?" Chuck asked.

"It's personal! Why would I let you watch my porn?" Sarah asked indignantly.

"Fine," Chuck huffed.

The room fell silent. Sarah was fine with that. Even if it was a bit awkward, she really didn't want to talk about her personal viewing habits with Chuck anymore. But then the nerd broke the silence.

"That's a lot of porn, Sarah," he said simply.

And Sarah had enough at that point. She was tired of his accusatory stare. "Two years!" she shouted.

"What?" Chuck asked confused.

"Two fucking years, Chuck. That's how long it's been since I got laid," she said almost manically.

Chuck's face fell. Sarah could tell that there were still questions he wanted to ask, but once again, he was taking the high road. That's one of the reasons she…cared about him so much. "I'm sorry for prying into your stuff, Sarah," he said sadly.

Then he gave her the kicked puppy look. God, she couldn't stand when he did that. If he only knew the power he had over her with that look…

"Fine, I'll let you see what I have. But you will _not_ tell anyone about this, understand?" she said, her voice taking on a threatening lilt at the last.

"Why?" Chuck asked skeptically.

Sarah looked away from him, blushing slightly. "Because it's only fair," she mumbled. "I have seen your complete internet history, after all," she added sheepishly.

Chuck looked like he wanted to reply. Like he wanted to be hurt by her admission of prying into _his_ personal life. Like he wanted to defend himself and how his tastes in porn had changed over the time he'd met Sarah (he'd actually developed a thing for blondes to Sarah's delight). But she knew that he knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth, and he remained quiet.

Chuck began clicking on videos. Sarah knew she'd catch some flack when he picked up on the most common theme of her collection. And it didn't take long for him to come to a conclusion about Sarah's tastes in adult film.

"Sarah, I've now seen ten videos…"

"Yeah…?"

"And I've yet to see a guy in any of them," he said.

"I like looking at girls," she admitted meekly.

"Apparently. Is there any het porn in this collection?" he asked.

"Um," Sarah's forehead crinkled as she thought about just what all she'd downloaded over the past year. "There are probably a few."

"Wow. So…" Now it was Chuck's turn to think about what was going on. Sarah saw the wheels begin to turn for him, and before long, a light seemed to come on. "So are you gay?"

"What?!" Sarah asked loudly. "No!"

"Then why girls?" he asked.

"They're pretty," Sarah explained, shrugging her shoulders.

"And do you…" Chuck paused, seemingly to find the right words to ask. "Do you _touch_ yourself when you're watching these?"

"No, Chuck. I watch them for the stellar acting," Sarah replied dryly.

"Right," Chuck said blushing. "I feel like I'm learning so much about you today," he then said, seeming to regain some of his confidence.

Sarah groaned. "So, now you've found out my dirty little secret. Can you fix my computer, or not?" she asked.

"Oh, well, it doesn't really need fixing," he said, shutting the Macbook.

"What?" Sarah asked surprised. "But it's not working right."

"It's not working right because you've loaded it down with way too much pornography. Like waaayyy too much. There are fat, pimply faced college kids nationwide that would envy your collection," Chuck explained.

"So what do I do?" Sarah asked.

"Delete it," Chuck said, now shrugging _his_ shoulders.

"No!" Sarah said in a panic. Then calming slightly, "There has to be another way."

"Well, I guess you could get an external hard drive," he said.

"That's it?" she asked.

"That's it," Chuck answered.

"Huh," Sarah said. "So, really, if I'd just done that, you never would have found out about my habit?"

"Pretty much," Chuck said, giving her a "duh" expression which made Sarah want to kick his ass. She wanted to kick her own ass too for not figuring all of this out on her own. But at least Chuck would soon be gone. She really needed a quick release.

But wait…Chuck was here. In her hotel room. Where there was no surveillance. "You know, Chuck…"

"Yes Sarah?" he asked, confused once again.

"Maybe today," she swallowed back a lump in her throat. "Maybe today, I don't need to take care of myself."

"What do you mean?" he asked. But when he looked up, his question was answered for him by a stark naked Sarah Walker. "Oh," he breathed.

Chuck began to walk slowly towards her. Or maybe it wasn't that slow and she was just really horny, she couldn't tell. But before their lips met, Sarah felt she needed to get one more thing off her chest. One more thing to make her look maybe a little better in Chuck's eyes.

"But you should see Casey's 'porn' collection," she said quickly.

Chuck pulled away and looked at her skeptically. "_You've_ seen Casey's porn collection?" he asked.

"Well, okay, kind of. He likes to rub one out watching movies about World War II."

Chuck nearly choked on a laugh. "Really?"

"Yep. He even whacks it using the same shammy he uses to clean his gun, sometimes," she told him.

"How do you know all of this?" Chuck asked.

"I'm a spy, Chuck. It's my job to know incrementing things about people." From the look on his face, though, Chuck wasn't buying it. "Okay, and plus I wanted to find a way to get him to quit picking on you so much."

"You did that for me?" Chuck asked, his eyes full of hope.

Sarah looked away again. "I'd do anything for you, Chuck," she said shyly.

Chuck smiled. His big, full, Chuck smile and pulled Sarah into an embrace. "I love you so much."

And indeed Sarah would need no porn that night.

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_A/N: You guys are awesome. Peace. _


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